Sunday, September 6, 2015

gentle

Growing up, I would describe my teenager self as unbearably shy and sometimes a little bit neurotic. All kinds of things would bother me (and seemingly no one else) from bright light bulbs, crowds of people, constantly overwhelmed with work, feeling consumed with trying to hide my dyslexic traits - feeling rejected because I knew I couldn't fully fit in with effortless peers. I can't handle really scary movies (even Disney movies are stressful, come on, most of the plot is about the tension they've created), and I was never one for video games (why does everything want to attack you, why is that fun?!).

Later, recently, I go on to describe myself as a gentle soul. At least I picked up on a delicate side. By my mid 20s that I've given myself permission to avoid what I to find stressful. Often declaring in my head that I hate people… I don't hate people, they're just too intense sometimes. I spend a lot of my free time alone, and honestly I think that's great. A lot of my current routine has come from excepting that I'm not like everyone else, but what I think is really great this past week is reading a book about highly sensitive people.

It never really occurred to me that I wasn't necessarily mildly neurotic and sometimes depressed (I've been fighting these names, but also couldn't put a title to what I was feeling), I'm highly sensitive. In fact, I already made a connection with one of my closest friends that she is also highly sensitive ( and had discovered this book long before I), it makes sense that we've been good friends for 13 years.

I think it's been a bit of a lightbulb week, more of my mannerisms seem to make sense. I'm terribly susceptible to stress. Easily overwhelmed, and when a lot of things are going on, I definitely want to spend most of my time in bed... But it doesn't have to be this way, and so I'm excited to continue reading this book for both recognition and strategy.

Nature and photography are getaways for me. I've said it before, a soothing combination for me. Sometimes a little bit of the planning, but otherwise true joy. I have been too busy for a whole month to get out much... So this walk was a big relief.

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